This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
