god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
