you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
