Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
