This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
