I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
