If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
