Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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