even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize