just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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