No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
