Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
