I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
