TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
