never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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