My hand turned me down
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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