i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
