i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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