if i can run in heels then i can drive
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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