So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
