If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
how drunk are you?
Several
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
