Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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