just come out here and I will go home with you...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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