No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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