i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
