the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
