Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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