i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
