I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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