um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
