youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
