he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
