When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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