I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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