i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize