guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
