He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
