i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
