I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
