The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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