1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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