I don't think brook has ever known best
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
