I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
