I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize