I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
