once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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