Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
