he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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