Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
