Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
