dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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