Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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