The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize