you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
