it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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