my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
