Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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