How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
