I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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