well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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