so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize