My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
