you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
