Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
