you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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