I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
