Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize