No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
