Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
