she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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