I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
