Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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