Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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