piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
