haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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